You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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