We're like a lot better than the average bears
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
