Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
