She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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