I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
