So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
