Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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