Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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