Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
