Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
