Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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