im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
