wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
