I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
