Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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