I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
