bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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