He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
