yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
