i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Randomize
