you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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