I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
