ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
