Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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