i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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