I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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