Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This house was built for laser tag.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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