you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
