i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
