at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
