Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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