So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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