that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't put those talents on a resume
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
