Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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