Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
