Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
