You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
