Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
