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Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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