can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
