We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
