Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
