I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
