Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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