did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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