she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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