As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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