I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
