He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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