Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
