Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize