How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
