there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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