the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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