He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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