Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
