He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
