My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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