You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
