"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My ATM looks so different sober.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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