im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
