Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
