I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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