Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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