also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
