i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
