i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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