apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
