Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
