From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
